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A Cosmological Feast (For M)


The urge to wait on the line

As the music

Gets distorted

And ugly

Pulling the hair on your body


The courage to wait

In that moment

And to say

N as Nancy

A as Apple

Z as Zebra

Not knowing how to continue the rest

Seventeen letters in total

Half an alphabet


Begging the letters to help you

Knowing that they won’t


As the tongue delves into the sea

Of sorrow

dark and sticky


But keeping the urge

And to wait

To be able to hold


Your self along the letters

The monstrous self

                             in their words


With a mirror in hand

Broken or not broken

Holding on

Or letting go

Depending on where you stand

                                                in relation


So wave at your neighbour

As the muddy tune continues

within the tunnels of your ears

Think of Etel

Who was born today


The day a war starts somewhere far away


So with a broken accent

Hold there

Think about Tamalpais

And the moist roots forming below


You don’t have the privilege to mourn

So eat those words for lunch

Juicy round-shaped half moons

A broken orbit

The icy moon

And the heated sun


Put them into your mouth one by one

Feel them slide down


A cosmological feast

At the end of the world







the distance i build

with my hands

with the language i have

not the language i have

but the language i gained

with my hands

the distance 

i created

between me and this

this distance



comforting my tongue

and touching my shoulders

and saying

calm down





the distance

i mean

the illusion

of the distance


you and me






the house 

in our backyard

remember the woman

the old one

remember the reality

now distance it 

from the dreams

now try to remember the house


now you are left with

no house

with your hands open

now try to remember

one last time

the house

now try to distance it

from the woman

too old 

to be young


one last time

open your hands




Naz Cuguoğlu is a curator and poet based in San Francisco and Istanbul. She is the co-founder of Collective Çukurcuma, experimenting with collaborative thinking through reading groups. Her writings have been featured in SFMOMA Open Space, Art Asia Pacific, Hyperallergic, Nka: Journal of Contemporary African Art, and elsewhere.

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